If you’ve been stopped in traffic by an angry mob recently, you may be wondering who the people behind the picket signs and bucket hats are.
This is where I introduce Extinction Rebellion (also known as XR) - a predominantly young group of environmentalists who are convinced our capitalist ways will cause irreversible damage to the planet and leave future generations unable to survive on the planet’s battered corpse.
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Load Of Boulder Dash
Sound like a load of fear mongering boulder dash? That’s because it is. The climate crisis, which is spearheaded by doom-and-gloom enthusiast David Attenborough, seems to have little scientific footing and is just another hip, new political movement for todays’ youth to sink their cigarette-stained teeth into.
Extinction Rebellion was the brainchild of middle-class students who had nothing better to do with their days. Realizing they needed a reason to get up before midday, their goal is to ‘peacefully’ disrupt the day-to-day lives of the public and force them to acknowledge the alleged climate problems the planet is facing.
The group claims it’s anti-establishment and ‘for the people’, but their actions don’t reflect this at all. Whether it’s blocking tube stations or commandeering major roads, the group seems hellbent on annoying the working-class folk they claim they’re so in touch with.
Bunch Of Airy-Fairy Hypocrites
The hypocrisy of these airy-fairy movements is palpable. Don’t these people realize that, by disrupting traffic and jamming up roads, they’re actually causing more damage to the environment and harming the climate even further?
These kids must have failed GCSE history because they seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that global warming and cooling cycles have happened numerous times in the past. Do we dare tell them that the Earth was covered in ice 10,000 years ago? Not that they’d listen anyway as facts like these don’t fit their skewed narrative.
Laughably, groups like Extinction Rebellion wouldn’t be possible without the influx of money and pedigree its followers are descended from.
Each one is so painfully middle class it’s amazing how they can get through a few days without another loan from the Bank of Mum & Dad. Much like their terrible taste in clothes, I’m certain they’ll grow out of this phase in good time and regret ever being a part of such an awful group.
Lack Of Common Sense
This generation has never been one for logic - evidenced by their obsession with vegan diets, but this Extinction Rebellion nonsense is a new low. For a demographic that waffles on about ‘privilege’, they sure seem to have plenty of it if huge traffic queues and canceled trains don’t affect their daily schedules.
Also, the climate is absolutely fine. Three centuries of industrial revolution don’t seem to have impacted the climate all that much and I, for one, couldn’t care less if Antarctica is melting or if the North Pole experiences a heatwave. All it means is there are two new holiday destinations for us Britons to enjoy in the future.
Extinction Rebellion To Go Extinct
Extinction Rebellion will inevitably go extinct once its brainwashed followers graduate university and enter the world of consumer capitalism. Their communist views and rosy picture of the world will immediately be shattered once they leave the cocoon of higher education and I, for one, can’t wait for this day to come.
Until it does, though, I’ll be doing what I always do - enjoying my life without a care in the world of how it’ll impact those living a million years in the future.
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